January 17, 2010.
Thats the last time Jupiter entered Pisces. Before yesterday that is.
...I remember too much about that day.
Always will. Gotta say its a bit freaking weird how all that echoes fresh into today.
I was trying hard to make the right move but it wasnt an easy one. Are they ever? I lost a friend because I drew a line between myself and their denial of alcoholism and plummeting/neglected mental health.
Ten years later...I believe to the day...I understood why it felt so important. I lost my friend again. This time to suicide. After all that wondering I caught myself wishing I'd never known and questioning myself all over again. Im still not sure it was right to draw that line. But does it or did it even matter? Both irrevocable endings. Poetic and deeply tender leaving behind lessons you could not forget. Not even if you tried.
Jupiter in Pisces wants your faith not your right. Your love not your might. Your heart not your head. Its concerned with truths that need no proof.
If you arent living that truth, it feels as if its the most obvious and ridiculous lie. As if yeah, maybe you can fool a few folks with it but the blush of self-shame and shards of insult lodged in your soul are obvious "tells."
You can try to cover them, escape them, deny them...
They persist. The wounds still ooze. Even if a win might exist, Pisces hides your prizes and rains on your celebratory parade.
All you have is faith and self-knowledge in those moments.
At whatever levels you find them at the time.
At Jupiters 2nd vacation home he brings benefit to solitude, silence, rest. He expands the veiled, unknowns, potentials and confusion. Spotlights what others know about you that somehow you never saw yourself. He lets martyrs charge the stage and causes victimhood to glisten like a jewel everyone wants in their thorny crown. His fashion flaunts helplessness in the finest of fabrics. Placing crosses on our backs, mud over shoes and fog on the roads.
How much further will you have to trudge? How much heavier could this be? If we study and ask questions will it eventually make sense?
You will trudge until you exhaust your shame realizing you arent being punished, only temporarily stalled or slowed. You'll want to know why but will feel ignorant if you ask. You may feel as everybody knows already.
Only one lost is you
It will be heavy for as long as it takes for you to notice you are tired and ready to lay it down or become willing to admit you cant carry it. Til your knees on the ground find you humbled.
You cant bet on it ever making sense because the answers were written by shapeshifters and tricksters.
Your riddles only multiply and lead to more riddles.
You might wonder why you cant just be given directions, an itinerary, a map or help.
But the truth isnt laying around in a dusty manuscript. Its not a destination on GPS. Google doesnt even know. You cant hear it because your head is demanding it too loudly. It isnt in there anyway.
A part of you might not want to know or hear it. So you'll try to drown it in daylight, with music, smiles or wine...all temporary. In darkness it will find you in slumber or awake. In quiet it sneaks up on you. You will slowly realize even when everyone is gone you still arent alone. It will stare you right in your face and youll swear its not there. The invisible elephant in the room. You'll fear the labels you'll get for admitting you see it or hear it. Grandiose. Delusional. And those are the nice ones.
Names and ridicule wont matter when you hear it speak right next to you. Did someone whisper your name? And nervously laugh when you found nobody there?
Oh...dont be silly, you'll mutter to yourself.
Then you'll hear it again...continually looking around, under, behind you for the prank or joke or intruder. Til..you realize the voice isnt beside you at all.
Its coming from within you? Somewhere?
The words waft suddenly toward familiar. Did you string them on their faint melody?
A mnemonic emergency call crafted for your soul?
Playing only on the days when your truth feels forgotten.?
And only long enough to remind you its still there?
Mmmm...maybe dont tell anyone else that. Ok?
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