Problem is, you do care. Your lip even trembles and sometimes your eyes leak.
Annoying shit.
You can't move on. The sun comes up and goes down; but, time still feels frozen. Suspended. Besides, you are busy dying inside. Drowning in silent torturous seas filled with salt water and shards of glass. Dramatic melancholy and sarcasm enhance your sweet masochistic torment.
You can't escape. You can't feel lighter. You are too bogged down in your own kinda primordial swamp. Like the gooey part of the cocoon that, like you, appears neat and tidily put together. But whose nicely wrapped package is filled with slimy, awkward, globules of... blood, sweat, mud, puke, filth, refuse, skank
...something unfit for public consumption.
How's your day?
Fine. Or, not too bad, thanks.
Except...it kinda is bad. The shock either hasn't settled in yet. Or. It has and...
Thanks! You have a great evening, too!
You are smiling under the mask. Eyes appropriately squinted conveying so. Think they bought it? Or could they tell you were sheathing clenched teeth. Restricting your tongue from randomly just telling folks, “fuck off and worry bout your own damn day,” because that's socially unacceptable, rude...and, doesn't seem to convey “fine.” No need to draw attention. Plus, it's not worth it. Though...you could probably say all that in the right tone with the right “face” and no one would notice. It's also not worth risking being seen for the potential wreck you truly are because...who has time for that. Right? Then the pity faces and hugs and patting and “do you need to talk” shit.
You can't talk; don't want to talk; are all talked out. How isn't everyone else?
You know. Sometimes...when it's cold. And you are messed up. When the wind and life are kinda bite-y...masks, gloves, glasses for the glare (of sunlight or ignorance) and drapes of wool and bulky fabric are great to hide in. Envelop in. Helping you to just blend in or disappear in a crowd. The extra insulation helps you to more easily tolerate the toxic mechanical trudge until you can shove it off at the couch at the end of the day...when it's dark...after “world” hours..
Chili and silence sounds good. A warm fire. Wrapped in fuzzy blankets...a bit of solitude and sacred distance, room to breathe, to unwind, to un-brain. Freedom found in a book. A video game. A movie. A place where you feel like you belong and can just be unabashedly “you.” Some timeless free space between here and not here. Where everyone knows your name but never dare to say it...
Right on. Sounds like a far out place, dude. Hope I don't see you there.
Feb 3:
Moon in Scorpio square Venus in Aquarius 1:55 PM EST
Moon square Saturn 6:47 PM EST
Moon opposed Uranus 8:58 PM EST
Feb 4:
Moon square Jupiter in Aquarius 3:40 AM EST
Moon opposed Mars in Taurus 9:51 AM EST
Last Quarter Moon 12:37 PM EST (16 Scorpio/Aqua 08)
Moon trine Neptune in Pisces 6:11 EST
Feb 5:
Moon square Mercury in Aquarius 1:27 AM EST
Moon in Scorpio is Void following a sextile with Pluto in Capricorn at 4:20 AM EST
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