Have you ever had a big huge fear. So big that even thinking about whatever it is that could happen gives you chills. It’s disturbing. You literally fight with everything you have to keep it from happening.
But then, it happens anyway. Funny thing, I’ve noticed about myself, is usually the absolute worst that I dream up is far worse than what really happens. Often, I will obsess over something and give it a lot of energy and think, “OMG! This cannot happen! It will kill me!” Then, I’ll be darned if it doesn’t happen and I’m still standing there. Not dead.
It’s like you play out worse case scenario in your head. Get all dramatic about it. Maybe you curl away in fear. Maybe you go at it full force. Maybe you just swim in circles of frustration and worry.
Whatever your initial reaction, it’s draining. Why the heck even worry about something or harp on something when it truly does no good.
Well, that thing you are so afraid of just might come up today. You just might have to face it some way. It will probably hurt. And most likely there won’t be a bed of roses following the event. But, what you’ll find, if you let yourself is that things didn’t exactly end in that ultimate destruction like you anticipated. No roses. But you are still standing. And not only are you still standing, you are freaking exhausted. You may feel like the entire world has stabbed you in the back. This is not something to make light of. These are big fears with big consequences. Your dearest friend may have betrayed you. Right after that, your boss jumps your ass for no reason. Then, your kid calls and says you are the worst mother in the world! And that’s when you start feeling it. Defeat.
If you are a fan of Shakespeare, like me, you may even utter the word’s “et tu Brute” as you feel the final blow of your demise.
What should you do? RETREAT! No, I don’t mean run away. I mean find that little piece of paradise that you have left and sit your big ass right down in it. Wallow in it.
You might thing..paradise? How the heck can I find paradise in a place like this?
Well, you can’t with that mentality. But I can tell you, the whole world could turn against me today and I still have a bathtub at home with hot water. I still have candles and a lighter. If my Ipod quits working, I still have books on my shelves that I can escape into. If your legs still work you can take a walk and enjoy the weather. Bottom line, find that little piece of what is left for you and indulge in it. Take care of yourself. Flip everyone else off, lock the bathroom door and steal your kids/grandkid’s bubble bath. You need to recoup and no one can do that for you.
Hold your relationship boundaries tight. Other’s very well may need you today. But, feel free to let them know that even though you do care about their crisis, you are having a little one of your own right now and are unable to deal with theirs. Suggest they do the same as you plan to do. Go. Relax. Heal thyself.
As a result, when you emerge from that piece of paradise, there will be a new sunrise. Some things, including you will still be standing. Take inventory of them You have, after all, survived. And things weren’t quite as bad as you had imagined they would be. That’s a blessing in itself.
There is no promise that the world will fall in line after your retreat. Just that you will feel renewed and ready to face..whatever..again. It’s progress. Rejuvenation. A brand new day. You may feel proud for getting through it. But don’t be overly proud the whole picture is still unfolding. So while you should try to maintain your renewed self and remember that paradise, also remember you might fall again. You might not. But that is the chance we take everyday right?
Stand strong. Know you have backbone and the power to transcend and flame from the ashes.
Take care of you.
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