Prior to all this viral stuff kicking off...back in early February when life still had a semblance of normalcy and seemingly established concerns that have since been wiped clean by the pandemic, I was having a chat with a lady who works at a convenience store drive-thru. I'm a regular at this place. So, I've become acquainted with the workers there and they also know me just as casually.
This particular lady is just sunny. It's a delight to see her because she makes a simple mundane task more enjoyable just by way of her general attitude. But, on THAT particular visit, we met with a parting of opinions.
I don't remember what it was that has happening that day, but it had to do with adjusting to changes. Honestly, it may have been about the weather. At any rate, this optimistic lady was chirping about her appreciation of change.
“I LOVE CHANGE” she exclaimed. Furthering that thought with “Could you imagine if nothing ever changed and always just stayed the way the same?” I laughed. Smiled. And said, “Yeah, man. Wouldn't that be GREAT! If everything just stayed comfortably the same?” She looked at me as if I were speaking a foreign language. She was so steeped in her excitement and willingness to embrace the concept of change that my answer kind of threw her. But, I like routine (Venus in Virgo). I like the simplicity of things going forth as expected day by day (Moon in the 2nd house). I only enjoy change when I'm the one in charge of it. I like change when I can steer or choose the change, instigate it and to a certain degree, control it (Sun in Libra conjunct Uranus and Mars). Not when it is inflicted upon me and I'm given no choice but to accommodate and accept it. LOL. Of course, in that, any change that comes we reserve our right of individual inherent freedoms in regard to how we accept and accommodate. We reserve our right to decide whether we like it or not. There is no guarantee that the new way of going about things due enforced change is going to be felt as better or worse. The only negotiable factor is how you choose to incorporate the need for change and your ultimate decision about how to engage with it.
Needless to say, I've seen this lady who was chirping about her love of change since our meeting in February. She is still working in the familiar position where I met her. That hasn't changed. I'm still at her window...just not as daily regular as I attempt to curb my own habits in response to this Virus stuff. But, most recently, instead of greeting me with a smile...her chirping mouth was covered by a mask. Her helpful hands wore gloves. I didn't say a word about what was happening just nodded in response when she asked “The usual?” But, I'm telling you, the words “Ain't change GREAT?” strained against my lips threatening to stomp my tongue into oblivion if I didn't let them go. I felt a comical sense of righteousness in that moment that wanted to be heard. But, as I'm the type that's been smacked on the ass by self-righteousness SO many damn times (I have Jupiter sq Pluto in my natal chart), I re-melded those sarcastic self-righteous words in a way that sounded more like, “Thank you for continuing to be here working for me through this scary and uncertain time. Just seeing you and the other folks who work here on my visits makes a mundane chore a little more enjoyable. And in this instance, provides to me likely the only face to face communication I have with other folks outside of my own family. It's a little thing. But, it's a little thing I look forward to. Your smile, even beneath that mask, is simply re-assuring. A little thing that brings me sunshine everyday. You folks make a difference in that way. A difference that I appreciate.”
Even though combating my feeling of “See how right I was?” was difficult. What I actually said was a more true reflection of how I really felt. I love that she is chirpy and optimistic. I wouldn't dare really want to rain on that no matter how right I was. There was something more important than being right in that moment. Being kind. Being honest. And, sharing how I really felt. While I had the opportunity. A brief window of opportunity that was open for about 5 minutes at most. Yet, in grasping that moment with self-honesty, the realization of what was important came quickly. The important thing wasn't that the store was open and that there was one everyday convenience in a time of batshit crazy that I could still hold to. What was important to me was that the smiles that greeted me the same happy way every other day before the uncertain times had happened...were still there. I don't even know this lady's name. But, had I gone to the store to find it open and had someone else wait on me when it was her normal shift, given the circumstances we were navigating at the time, I would have been concerned. My relief that all seemed to be alright for the moment at least (even with the necessary personal protective accommodations) for this one person that I don't know but who routinely brings joy and stability into my life (Without her even fucking knowing it) was bigger than my need to be right. Plus, the sharing of authentic truth, instead, made us both feel good versus one of us feeling justified with the other perhaps feeling shamed, bested, teased or chided. “I appreciate you” instead of “I told you so” made us both feel good. Were something to occur in either one of our lives to keep us from meeting as amicable strangers in this situation again, I took what was given in that moment a chance to share some joy back to her that she so willingly gives me on daily basis. I had a chance to give her at least one smile back. So. I grabbed it. Because, in that moment, it was still unsure whether we would even meet under these same conditions tomorrow or that I would have another opportunity to say it.