A personal rant about the race to martyrdom

There are no pictures for this. This entry goes into the "journaling category" and is me expressing my opinion/thoughts on current events. There is no rule you have to agree. As a matter of fact, I would ENCOURAGE you to explore your own take on this  (or decide it isn't worth your time) because I greatly value the ability to think independently.

The Princess Wars

So. Let me get this straight. Working American Moms are ticked at Gwyneth Paltrow for being a Princess who martyrs herself in the name of what she has to do in order to be a Mom and work. And, they are showing their disgust by martyring themselves.

There is a tug of war between the Princesses. “I have it worse! No I have it worse!” Well, I've an inkling that the Mother who is trying to raise children on her own because her husband was just massacred in some rebellion with her eldest sons may have it worse. Or the Mother who doesn't have access to a bus to take her to the job she doesn't have and who doesn't have a clue about this fight because she isn't able to sit leisurely on the Internet and browse through local celebrity happenings may be taxed a little more.

Look, folks. This is not a martyr competition. We all have challenges that play out in different ways. Being a Mom is hard, period. But, if you think for one minute that you are the only one struggling and you should get some sort of reward/recognition for that, maybe it's time to check out of your third world problems and get yourself the same reality check you are calling in for Paltrow. K?

Life is tough all over.

Next, maybe we need to take a look at why we care about celebrity happenings and opinions to begin with. Because these people are role models? Well. If that is the case maybe we need to reconsider who we elevate to that status more so than being disappointed in what they do or say once they get in that position.

I don't understand the concept of women tearing other women down. I also don't understand the down and dirty race to martyrdom. “Poor pitiful me. I've got it worse than anyone.” Really? How about you come out of your little castle and take a look around you princess? Did you have to get up at dawn and scour the wilderness to slaughter a hog for your starving family this morning? No? Then, you've not got it so bad. Do you?

But, this ripping away at one another is what women do and have done for centuries.

I have no idea why.

Men go for the physical confrontation. Toe to toe. They exchange punches in the face until someone gives. Then, when its over, they may get up and shake hands and go have a beer together. Its over.

Not women. Women go for the gut. They want to take their time inflating your misery so that it becomes something detrimentally ingrained in your psyche for the rest of your life.

There is no power in that. There is no power gained by you when you tear someone down. All it does is make you a jerk.

The true power comes when you are able to help people exalt themselves. The true power comes when you can sit next to someone in pain (whether you think their reason for being in pain is valid or not) and help them walk through the fire. True power comes when we stop looking at how we “have it so bad” and realize “how we have it so good.”

True power comes when you gain empathy and compassion during your hardships and are able to convey that empathy and compassion to others who may be struggling.

Taking someone out to the parking lot and whipping their tail or subsequently getting beaten yourself is quick and easy. Devaluing or degrading someone in order to make yourself feel or look better is also quick and easy.

What's difficult is zooming out and seeing the bigger picture of what is really going on and realizing this isn't a competition anywhere except in our own heads.

I read an article the other day that said, “Not only are women not being put in powerful positions but they are also choosing to walk away from them.” First of all, I think we have made strides in bringing women into the workforce (I also think the whole dynamic has given us something new to complain about). And, if these potentially powerful women ARE turning away from positions of power, maybe they have discovered that it isn't all the lovely it was cracked up to be. Maybe they are opting to embrace their true power instead of this collectively created mirage of power. Who knows?

We spend so much time comparing ourselves, screaming when things are not fair and blaming the faceless and nameless “powers that be” for our problems that we miss the bigger point.

We are our own power. What we have and what we do is NOT comparable to what someone else has or does. You can only be oppressed as long as you continue to agree to it. You do have power in any situation but often times that energy is used to point the finger of blame at someone else or used to have a personal pity party. “THEY did this to me! Oh, poor pitiful me!”

Your life, right now, as you see it is a result of your culminate past efforts...or non-efforts. And, you have held the keys to your own success/demise all along whether you are male, female or some mix in between.

But, it's no fun thinking like that, is it? It's much easier to lie down and be the victim or martyr instead of owning up to our own part in it.

It is also much easier to soothe our insecurities (temporarily) by dragging someone else through the mud. Tearing someone down is MUCH easier than addressing our own true problems. Standing off with someone is MUCH easier than learning to get along, work together and resolve problems. Pointing out someone's weaknesses is much easier than examining your own. And, building yourself up to be honored or martyred is much more fun that helping someone else exalt themselves while you are left standing in the shadowy wings of the stage...out of the spotlight...alone.

Sure. Take the path of least resistance. But, remember, what goes around comes around. Every dog has its day and Karma is not known for being a gentle nurturing entity. Put out there what you want to get back. Because, it certainly will find its way back. And, enough, with the martyred princess wars, ok?