Twice I begged the Universe for Love


Twice I approached the universe begging/praying for love. I felt beaten, worn, and alone. I thought that a relationship would help support me. Provide comfort when I needed it..or just give me someone to talk to.
Mind you, I didn't want just passing love. No, no...I asked for something more specific. I wanted love associated with someone that would love me exactly the way I was. For someone who didn't care what I looked like in the morning. Someone who stood beside me...not in front or behind. Someone who would bring me flowers for no reason. Someone to sing with me instead of complaining that I couldn't carry a tune. A dance partner. Someone who would cry and be sad with me. Someone who would bring me comfort, solace and security and allow me to give all of this in return. I begged for unconditional love.
After my first wish, I met someone almost immediately. It was a whirlwind romance that fizzled as quickly as it began. But all the while..I thought, this is it! He is the answer to my prayers. Yet, it didn't quite work out that way.
I was discouraged. Obviously I had done something wrong. Maybe I was not clear enough in my request. Maybe I failed on my part. Something was not right. Perhaps..one more try with more *umph* passion, sincerity and detail. What could it hurt? Could I be MORE lonely?
So I asked again. This time adding wishes for someone to grow with me instead of away from me. Someone who—even though they may not understand things the same way as I do--- will respect my opinion and share theirs.
I met someone at work a few weeks later. He was dark, gloomy..the ultimate bad boy. And you can bet your ass I was ALL over that! THANK YOU universe! You handed me what I wanted AND he is in a pretty package! MMM..not so much. We did marry. But the relationship became abusive. 2 years later (2 years that felt like hundreds) we were divorced. I had failed again.
Or at least, I thought I had failed. It didn't hit me how wrong I was until one day my five year old son crawled on my lap and said, "Mommy, I love the way you smile" and my three year old plucked his first dandelion from the yard and handed it to me with ultimate pride and reminded me "I will be your baby boy forebber and ebber" that I realized there was no failure. Both times I walked away from each relationship…the ones I thought WERE IT! The answers to my prayers!...thinking I was being punished. But each time, I did not walk away empty handed. Each relationship bore that unconditional love that I pined for but my sense of failure kept me from recognizing it. I prayed for this with an expected outcome. The universe does not bend to my will. But it obviously does listen. Because my two granted wishes for unconditional love lift me up everyday.
Do you recognize your wishes and answered prayers even when they are not delivered in the package you expected?
Happy Valentine's Day