Wallowing. Do you know what this is? I'm betting you do. I'm betting if you have strong Pisces/Neptune in your chart, you really do.
With Neptune, there is this type of ache. It's a deep, penetrating, pit of your stomach scrunching, twisting ache. It's almost as if you are hungry for something---perhaps missing something. But, that ache and that hunger is never satiated. Never. It's a bottomless pit.
To make things even weirder, that ache and the feeling of it..that constant yearning and mourning feeling can become addictive. Its presence while you are crying yourself to sleep can embrace you in a masochistic type of comfort. When morning dawns, you look for it. You may become afraid if the feeling begins to wane. If the ache of life itself dies, what will keep you company?
I've wallowed plenty. Typically, though, I become exhausted with wallowing and eventually become angry. Something comes along and pokes at me. "Hey, how are ya feeling today?"…."I hate life. I just want to crawl in my bed with a gallon of liquor and…people are sad. The world is a sick and twisted place…and" Feel free to insert every justification you can for simply laying down and giving up and escaping the reality that is.
The psychological response I get when I actually "hear" what it is I'm saying is always the same. "Suck it up, Buttercup. No. Seriously. Dry up your face.It's time to get up. Get mad!"
It's hard, though. When you see so much going on in the world that is horrific and destructive and terrifying, you can feel helpless. At that point, the ache grows. Sometimes I catch myself saying, "I just want to go home."
I've said that since I was very little. I say it when I AM home. I can be sitting in my house with my ache and be yearning to "just go home."
The thing that feels like it is "missing", the thing that feels like a hollow vertex of aching need, the thing that makes you yearn to go home when your physical home is exactly where you are, that insatiable hunger is the bane of Neptune. Somewhere, deep, deep down in your soul you know there is something better. You've seen it..though you cannot exactly pinpoint a place in real time when that happened. You cannot describe how it looks. But, you know, it's so, so much better than "this." Your soul does yearn for it. Your heart does ache for it. And, it's because somewhere, somehow, some way…you remember.
Then, you look around at the world and are saddened because it may seem like everyone else has forgotten. It can make you feel crazy. It can make you feel very, very alone. You may think, "We are so much better than this."
It's true. We have the potential to be so much more loving and accepting than we really are. Even you, Neptunian. You aren't on the spiritual plane, right now. You are right here on Earth with the rest of us. And, even though you could wallow in your ache with your little escape du'jour forever, doing so is not helping anything. Nothing. This, in turn, makes YOU just as guilty. GUILTY! GUILTY! GUILTY!
Did that piss you off? I hope it did.
Because, now is the time to step out of that wallowing and start getting others to consider remembering what exactly it is that we are capable of. That's your job. You want to feel better? Are you tired of hearing negativity and tired of feeling like you are being forced to absorb it for everyone? Yeah? What are you going to do about it?
How about you get up? Start with that.
Then, walk right outside your door and show someone what unconditional love is all about. YOU know that better than anyone. That is what you ache for. Acceptance. Total unwavering acceptance. It is, indeed a wonderful super power.
Stop allowing the negativity, violence, sadness, despair and pain that is in the world to keep you from what you need to do. Feel it. You have no choice. But, you do have a choice in how you process it. You have a job to do.
Home is with you. It is impossible for it to ever truly leave it. It is where your soul resides. All this "extra" stuff that is floating around out there? It is distracting you from tuning in to that "home." It is keeping you from doing exactly what you do best. Love. Turn away from those distractions now. Re-tune to that which you KNOW is possible even though everyone else seems to think you are just a dreamer. Show them you are right.
Then, marry that which reflects what you emit. Look for others who feel it too. They are out there. Find them. Work together. Make this bloom.
Learn how to be the captain of your own ship. Learn that you can choose your emotions and don't have to be prey to whatever it is that other people say you need to feel. There is only one truth. Defend it. Stand up for it. Be it.