Emotional Manipulation

AKA: Emotional Blackmail

I'm facing this right now and I had to study the interaction very closely because I have a great deal of Neptune interplay in my chart which can often result in recieving and delivering projection.

When this situation arose, there was a bit of my own shadow in it. I have been guilty of using this tactic before. And I do recognize that. However, it was a learned behavior. I was not conscious of my tendency to do this for a very long time.

I do not want to be manipulative. And I surely do not want to be manipulated.

From what I understand and can gather, emotional manipulation, emotional abuse, or emotional blackmail are characterized by a person's attempt to control another's actions by soliciting a certain emotional response. It sounds confusing. But to give you an oversimplified example, think if you have been ever guilted into doing something you really would have rather not done. Or, consider if you have ever made someone feel guilty in order to get them to do something.

This is totally ineffective behavior. The response solicited may be received, but the means are deceitful putting not only the relationship at risk if it continues but also your own Karma. Direct communication is the way to go instead of this passive/agressive technique.

I've isolated a few planetary energies that can contribute to this such as Neptune and also I align the tendency a great deal to Virgo and Libra. Whenever I hear passive agressive, I automatically think Libra and Virgo. So, we could be talking someone with Sun, Moon, Asc, Mars, Venus in Virgo or Libra or either rising. Also look to the Libran and Virgo houses for placements ( 6 and 7). But, since we have to include Neputians, I would imagine the trait would also ally with Piscean tendencies.

At any rate, dealing with it and recognizing it is the challenge. What do you do when you realize you are being emotionally manipulated? What do you do when YOU realize you are doing it?

In dealing, the best way I have found to deal so far is to align the facts. If you think your emotions are being manipulated, take them out of the equation. Lay down the facts you can PROVE. Concrete evidence of some sort that reflects the true situation. Recognize the emotion that is emerging from the action and see if you can find it's trigger. This must also be dealt with.

If you are doing this, there is introspection to be done as well as a study of effective communication techniques. Why is it hard for you to ask for what you want? Chances are, once you answer that question, a great deal of information will be revealed for you to deal with. Of course, this is good because it means growth. But I cannot promise you it will be easy.

I warn you, as well, if you decide to confront someone you believe may be emotionally manipulating you. This will take patience and skill, if it can be done at all. The person may not recognize what they are doing and depending on the intimacy level of the relationship, you may not be the person who can be pointing it out to them. However, if you are able to show concrete examples and display the interaction to them it may bring something to light for them. I personally would not recommend this unless you were very close with the person and had established some sort of trust. There is a big chance they could become defensive very quickly.

Your main problem will be deciding on YOU deal with this phenomena on either side of the spectrum. You cannot control change within someone else. But, you sure can direct your own.

In response, avoid passive agressive techniques. Do not reward the behavior. When in the immediate situation (if recognized at the time) stick to facts and present them in the conversation. Calmly and slowly. I would imagine this communication technique is something that carries over from inherent family styles of communication of which the person is unaware. For example, someone who was raised in a co-dependent family dynamic has most likely been exposed to this. If not recognized as a debunk behavior patter in childhood, it will carry over to adult relationships.

Emotional manipulation is an attempt to control. You have no right to attempt control over anyone and in return, neither does anyone have the right to attempt to control you. But, in truth, if the pattern is recognized in interaction with the "other" it will be up to you to decide if the relationship is worth working to resolve this problem or if the arena is too toxic for this show.